Stationary Drifting


oh hey

top of St Mike's

top of St Mike’s

I’m back again. I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what to do with this blog. I keep wanting it to be SOMETHING but, like the rest of my life, I’m a little too scattered to be of any use. That being said, I feel the need to write something, anything. So I’m going to come back to this space and see what I have to give to it.

It might be a little melodramatic, I feel that way these days. It will definitely include the search for happiness that I have referenced before. I am actively back on the path towards finding what my life can be. I mean seriously, screw mid to low range emotions. I don’t really want to live the rest of my life feeling shitty to okay. It will include some health stuff because I really need to do something about my body. It will probably still include cooking and making of things because 1. I find those things relaxing and so they are useful to the above search for happiness, and 2. I’m redoubling my efforts to keep food in the house and non-take out food in my belly. I also need winter hobbies, hence the making. Makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something other than get out of bed and go to work, re: happiness. It all comes full circle to that. And stream of consciousness documenting helps too. I have an affinity to this claimed corner of the internet and as long as I continue to feel good about it I’m going to inhabit here.

I have literally no idea how many times I’ve said this but I’m back. Maybe I’ll make some changes, I have no idea how much I’ll actually write. I’ll try and keep it interesting. Comment if you feel like it, I do appreciate a boost.

Happy end of 2013 everyone.


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Go Deep on the Waves

Frozen Tsunami Wave in Antarctica

“If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?”

“When a wave comes, go deep.”

“I think I’m going to need an explanation for that one.”

“There’s three things you can do when life sends a wave at you. You can run from it, but then it’s going to catch up and knock you down. You can also fall back on your ego and try to stand your ground, but then it’s still going to clobber you. Or you can use it as an opportunity to go deep, and transform yourself to match the circumstances. And that’s how you get through the wave.”

quote from Humans of New York (link)


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been a minute

Its been a little while since I wrote here. Haven’t had a whole lot of time for much of anything and frankly the blog is the first thing to fall off. Always.

The move to Toronto has been good, difficult, lonely and worth it.

My new job is rewarding. Not perfect by any means, not the least of which is that its BARELY enough $$ to get by in this expensive ass city (be glad I wasn’t blogging during the apartment hunt, all I can say is “What the Fuck Toronto?” on that one). Its also a normal NGO with its dark underbelly of bad labour politics. I don’t know what it is about NGO’s that bring that out but this one is no different. That said my work is really interesting and is in a field that’s new to me so I’m learning a lot, which I appreciate. Plus I have benefits!! Whoooooo, new glasses and maybe a visit to the dentist is in my future. BIG PLANS.

I think after almost 4 months on the job I’m starting to settle in to what a 9-5 job does to my body. FYI, it makes me ridiculously tired. I’m trying to figure out how to curb my night owl lifestyle into a morning person job. I’m supposed to be at work at 8:30am. I go in for 9am. I prefer a short lunch break over being fucking exhausted all day.

Now that I’m into a big of a work groove I’ve picked up the pace on working on my thesis. It sucks a lot to leave work and go to a library to open my laptop and work some more but I keep trying to tell myself that it will feel amazing once I’m done. Between trying to talk myself out of quitting anyway.

Oh, I’m also working 2 facilitation contracts too. Not exactly sure how that’s supposed to fit in to my days but I’m trying to make it work.

Our new house is almost set up. One more trip to IKEA and we should have all the basics to live with. In retrospect deciding to get rid of everything in Montreal has turned out to be super expensive. No regrets because our brand new bed is wonderous and the house looks amazing with furniture that is not sagging, ripped or coming apart at the seams and all that but the credit card bill is a little scary…Hence the extra contracts I’ve been taking on.

Mars and I have been doing good. The move was hard on us for different reasons, me because I was leaving the only place I had ever really made home. Mars because she was leaving a place that she had just finally figured out. Its been a stressor on our relationship for sure, especially since I leave the house every day and leave Mars alone all week. I think we’ve started to hit our stride though and are definitely happier now.

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately and what it takes to be happy. Alright, I know its not just been lately but I’m still trying to figure out my happiness stride and what makes me happy. I don’t think I’ve found it yet. I’m not necessarily generally happy at the moment but I think I’m on the right path. Finish the thesis so I can finally go the direction I think I want to go in my career, and also have a social life without guilt. Get my experience at this job and then move on. I can see where the path is, I think its just over the next hill. Get Mars settled here so that we can focus on other things. I want to travel again. My wanderlust has been in a box for years because I haven’t been able to afford it and I know its making me sad.

I’m about to turn 31. Life isn’t over but it does feel a helluva lot more serious at times.

So yeah, that’s my update. No pictures but this play list is helping keep me upbeat on this rainy fall day.

{image from last.fm}

ps. Jolene is about the only song I ever mastered on the guitar AND could sing.

 


New Life Ahead

Arrived.
Exhausted.
Feeling lucky and loved by all the wonderful people who kept me going through this transition and who helped out in a million small and large ways. I don’t know what I did to deserve it but I’m connected to some really incredible and solid people.
Laying in a strange new bed listening to the sounds of streetcars and new city. 6 years in montreal and now I’m feeling that brand new again. It’s strange and exciting and sad all at the same time.
Trying to catch my breath in it all. Having Mars beside me and seeing Jared walk up made everything better. Home is definitely where my heart is.

Pony Up

Lack of posting lately as I am busy applying to every job I come across. Not to mention trying to fit in my thesis and sleep between that. In the meantime watch this video. I don’t know why but I really really love it. I doubt Ginuwine ever imagined his song being danced to like this! Also Thom Yorke is from Radiohead in case you didn’t know (I didn’t know, never being much of a radiohead fan).

Happy Wednesday everyone. We’re expecting snow here at the end of the week (again) but for now it still feels like spring and that makes me happy.


{wishlist} April

April Wishlist

///  1. Plie Date shoes by Modcloth /// 2. Porcelain Bangle by The Awesome Project /// 3. Ginger Spicy Dress by Modcloth /// 4. Coral Czech Glass Beads via fivesisters /// 5. Dotted Chambray Boyshirt by Madewell // 6. Vintage Avacado Green Desk Lamp via charliesnet ///

My wishlist for April is light and airy because that’s what I’m craving more than anything these days. The sun is coming out more and the snow is melting in Montreal (though not in my hometowns!). Its almost warm enough to lose SOME layers and maybe consider something other than boots on my feet. Tights can be lighter weight than wool. Shirts can almost be worn without layers under and over. I can feel spring coming in full force and I can’t wait! April has me craving light dresses and chambray, bigger jewelry that doesn’t have to be worn over many sweaters, like bracelets! Delicate crafts, especially more semi-permanent bracelets to add to my collection (hence the beads), and this cute chambray shirt to replace my favourite but ill fitting denim shirt as the best layer around. The lamp is because it still gets dark in the early evenings and it would be nice to be able to see at my desk while I burn the evening to late night oil working on this thesis of mine before it gets too nice out to want to work.

April showers over snow any day. Bring on spring!

 

 


Happy Birthday Mom!

IMG_2171

Today is my mom’s birthday and I just wanted to send a little shout out to her in celebration of her awesomeness over her years in rotation of the sun.

Thanks mom for being the best damn mom I could ever ask for. Thanks for being steadfast and calm all the time. For your incredible decision making power and selflessness. For your laugh. For being an inspiring artist and crafts person. For taking all your passions and responsibilities head on. For commanding attention without raising your voice. For not being afraid to take risks. For demonstrating that being happy is really important. For doing what you love even if its not a field that’s particularly welcoming to women and single mothers. For loving us all so wholly.

From my perspective, thank you for kick-starting the majority of my hobbies and passions. For trying to understand me even when I don’t make sense to you. For being incredibly supportive of even my most wild ideas. For pushing me to chase my dreams and for only occasionally complaining that those dreams took me so far away from home. Thanks for always sounding happy and excited when I call you. For meeting me at the airport at all times of the day or night and for coming to visit. For encouraging me to travel and try new things. For showing me how to be a tough woman that holds her own and reminding me not to be an island. For editing my university papers even though I cried when you did. For trying to teach me math even though I cried when you did. For putting me in dance so that I would stand half a chance in not inheriting your klutziness (not that dance has eliminated that all together). For showing me how to be tender with people you love. For loving the prairies so much. For “just us girls” moments.

Love you more than I could say. Sending you lots of birthday love. Here’s hoping I can be there for a birthday of yours soon!

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