Stationary Drifting


{wishlist} April

April Wishlist

///  1. Plie Date shoes by Modcloth /// 2. Porcelain Bangle by The Awesome Project /// 3. Ginger Spicy Dress by Modcloth /// 4. Coral Czech Glass Beads via fivesisters /// 5. Dotted Chambray Boyshirt by Madewell // 6. Vintage Avacado Green Desk Lamp via charliesnet ///

My wishlist for April is light and airy because that’s what I’m craving more than anything these days. The sun is coming out more and the snow is melting in Montreal (though not in my hometowns!). Its almost warm enough to lose SOME layers and maybe consider something other than boots on my feet. Tights can be lighter weight than wool. Shirts can almost be worn without layers under and over. I can feel spring coming in full force and I can’t wait! April has me craving light dresses and chambray, bigger jewelry that doesn’t have to be worn over many sweaters, like bracelets! Delicate crafts, especially more semi-permanent bracelets to add to my collection (hence the beads), and this cute chambray shirt to replace my favourite but ill fitting denim shirt as the best layer around. The lamp is because it still gets dark in the early evenings and it would be nice to be able to see at my desk while I burn the evening to late night oil working on this thesis of mine before it gets too nice out to want to work.

April showers over snow any day. Bring on spring!

 

 

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Happy Birthday Mom!

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Today is my mom’s birthday and I just wanted to send a little shout out to her in celebration of her awesomeness over her years in rotation of the sun.

Thanks mom for being the best damn mom I could ever ask for. Thanks for being steadfast and calm all the time. For your incredible decision making power and selflessness. For your laugh. For being an inspiring artist and crafts person. For taking all your passions and responsibilities head on. For commanding attention without raising your voice. For not being afraid to take risks. For demonstrating that being happy is really important. For doing what you love even if its not a field that’s particularly welcoming to women and single mothers. For loving us all so wholly.

From my perspective, thank you for kick-starting the majority of my hobbies and passions. For trying to understand me even when I don’t make sense to you. For being incredibly supportive of even my most wild ideas. For pushing me to chase my dreams and for only occasionally complaining that those dreams took me so far away from home. Thanks for always sounding happy and excited when I call you. For meeting me at the airport at all times of the day or night and for coming to visit. For encouraging me to travel and try new things. For showing me how to be a tough woman that holds her own and reminding me not to be an island. For editing my university papers even though I cried when you did. For trying to teach me math even though I cried when you did. For putting me in dance so that I would stand half a chance in not inheriting your klutziness (not that dance has eliminated that all together). For showing me how to be tender with people you love. For loving the prairies so much. For “just us girls” moments.

Love you more than I could say. Sending you lots of birthday love. Here’s hoping I can be there for a birthday of yours soon!


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30

Holy balls I turned 30! This is me, in the rain, hungover and excited about a giant sunflower.

/// Birthday Day!!! ///

The weekend was so very nice. I was really sick last week and I rolled into my last few days of my 2oies seriously on my last legs. My new work schedule and the amount of time I spend on the metro every day had really led to a helluva cold. I took off work early on Friday because I had a sneaking suspicion that a surprise party was brewing and I needed a nap. The surprise party was adorable. Mars gathering a few of my closest friends together for a really sweet party with family and friends skyped in, champagne, delicious food, cake, balloons, noise makers and streamers. It was lovely and he put so much work into it, it really showed. The party didn’t go late which worked fine for me because I felt like death and I got a good night sleep on Friday night, partially because M slept on the couch (he was trying really hard not to get sick).

/// an extremely fuzzy phone photo of a really delicious cheesecake ///

On Saturday I treated myself to a haircut (with Julie again). I hadn’t had a haircut since April I think. Julie cuts hair so well that it can grow out for literally ages and still look good. I also got my nails done by my friend Laura of Drop Dead Manicures. Yay, self pampering.

/// purple ombre with roses on the ring fingers and thumbs ///

I had a quiet rest of the day with Mars and then we got ready to go out to a party that he was performing at. He gave an incredible performance and then made me get up on stage at midnight to wish me happy birthday. I was totally embarrassed and totally charmed, no one has ever done anything like that for me. We spent the rest of the night dancing, were joined by my good friend Katie and rolled out very late.

Sunday was my actual birthday and the only thing I wanted was to go have brunch at a really great spot that I’m not going to name because its already SO busy and hard to get in there. That’s pretty much all we did too. I didn’t answer any calls except from my parents (seemed fair that they got a pass for making this birthday possible) and we just had a quite day watching movies and napping.

30 is already way different than 20 but I love it. I’m really excited for this new decade and what it will bring me. I did so much in my 20ies and had so many adventures, I’m really curious to know what my 30ies will bring.


April is for resolutions

January is not a good month for resolutions. I feel like the world is ending in January. Its so dark and cold and all I want to do is curl up under the blankets, watch a movie and eat baked goods. Basically winter is like one long pms cycle for me. The beginning of January is the last possible time I ever want to do anything active or motivate myself to do stuff I really really don’t want to do. Besides, everyone knows that the new year starts Sept 1 with the start of a new school semester. I don’t care how long you’ve been out of school, the beginning of fall is when its time to start the calendar over again.

A great time for resolutions is the beginning of spring though. When the snow finally leaves, the air starts to get warmer, hope and enjoyment of life returns, and I have all sorts of new energy. Its the time of the year that I want to clean out all my cupboards and drawers, air out the house and start planting a garden. This is the time of year that I want to make life changes, to make resolutions and really feel like I have a chance of keeping them.

So that said, here are my new season life plans:

1. Be Healthier

This one is a 3 part-er some more immediate term and some longer term, as all get healthy plans are.

– Join a gym

Marseau bought a damn scale this week and now I know how much I weigh. I hate knowing how much I weigh, it makes me so self conscious about my weight. I know that I’ve been gaining weight as I get older (I am constantly reminded of this fact whenever I go home ~ why do people insist on commenting on other people’s weight by the way?). I’m trying to learn to be okay with this fact, and okay with not being the skinny ideal in general. My height, frame, genetics, love of good foods all keep me from looking like a supermodel. I have accepted that and frankly sometimes I think that models kinda look unhealthily skinny. Trying not to comment or judge other peoples’ weight either here. The truth is that ever since I stopped biking because I was too scared/in pain after my accident I haven’t really been getting any exercise. Even if climbing the stairs to my 3rd floor apartment with a load of groceries feels that way. I found a gym that’s 3 blocks away from me that has pilates, and I like pilates (waaaaaaay more than yoga, but that’s a different story), it also has spinning and I don’t know if I like spinning but I want to like it. It has a steam room and a regular gym part (that I’m less excited about) I think that if I like some of the classes I would go frequently and start feeling like I’m getting some exercise and get energy from that. My goal is to get healthy enough to join a boxing gym, I really want to learn how to fight. In the meantime though I just want to drop some weight and feel healthier. I don’t have any particular goal weight and I’m not going to diet/deprive myself. I just want to feel better in general.

Which leads me to my second point:

– Quit smoking

I’ve been a smoker for a long time now, and I’ve been quitting smoking about as long as I have been a smoker. I’ve never been particularly successful at it, in that I don’t think I ever have truly stopped. But its my goal to not smoke anymore by the time I’m 30. This gives me 6months of quitting, possible relapses and learning to be able to see people smoke or go to parties without wanting to smoke myself. Even more difficult will be watching Marseau smoke in front of me and not want one myself too. So, as of today I have a rule that I’m not going to smoke before 6pm. No more daytime smoking. Once that becomes easier I want to go down to no more than one smoke a day. My mid-term goal is to only smoke when I’m drinking by the end of April. Long term is to stop once and for all in 6months. I’ve never felt like I was exactly addicted to smoking, I mean I can stop for days or weeks without feeling shitty or getting cranky. I never have felt like I NEED a smoke. Its just very much a habit for me. Waiting for the bus, after eating a big meal, feeling socially awkward, needing to go outside for a bit, social times with smoker friends, writing a paper or grading and needing a short break, are all reasons to smoke for me. Its been the time filler or self care or stress reliever for me for going on…..8 years now. I can’t believe its been that long! I want to have pink lungs again (or whatever colour they are supposed to be). Plus smoking weakens my immune system and I don’t need more ways to be able to get sick.

Finally:

– Do a cleanse

I’ve never done one of these before. I used to be really disdainful of cleanses (quelle surprise, me being disdainful), maybe its because the people I knew who did cleanses just stopped eating and drank a lot of chili, maple syrup and lemon juice mixes. That always seemed (and still seems) ridiculous to me, and I don’t get how that can be healthy at all. I do get how going back to basics and cleaning out my body make sense though, and I like the kinds of cleanses that people I know now do, which include cutting out a lot of food things that are rough on the system, letting my body relax a bit and slowly reintroducing more complex foods one by one. I’m all into herbs and alt health care so this seems like less of a crazy thing to do than it did year ago. Even if this is the shortest term ‘get healthy’ goal of mine, I think it might be the hardest. Particularly not drinking coffee but also I’m bad at monitoring my food. It will be a good exercise in self-discipline. Which I really need because, life plan #2 is going to require a lot of it.

2. Finish my thesis

This shit is for real. I’ve been letting this large and scary amount of work paralyze me into inaction for way too long (just ask Marseau and my mom ~ the 2 most invested in me finishing). I sit in front of my computer every day and just look at it, and then I get up and tell myself that I need to get groceries, do the dishes, make dinner, finish someone’s bday present, whatever seems more manageable and less terrifying at the moment. The problem is that even if I’m not sitting here looking at it, its looking at me, from inside my head. I wake up early in the morning thinking about it, I feel guilty as soon as I wake up, and every time a friend asks me to do something my brain says that I can’t I should be working. Most people’s reaction to this kind of thing would be to just do it. My response is to ask first if you’ve ever written an academic book that you feel totally unprepared and unqualified to write and then when you do finally finish it you must sit in front of a panel of experts while they tear it apart? Sounds like a stress nightmare to me but its actually my life. Many of you may answer yes to that question, and kudos to you but this shit terrifies me. Which is not to say that I’m not going to do it. I am. Starting today I’m going to work at this like its my job, which of course, it is.

I should probably write something about getting a job and saving money, or being better about calling my family, or sleeping but I already feel like I’ve got a lot down there. The road to self-discipline can’t all be traveled in one day right? I don’t know, probably not, maybe I’ll look into it tomorrow or something….