Stationary Drifting

why are weddings so complicated to plan?

I was going to write a post about the plans that have been going on for M & I’s upcoming marriage but after spending the last hour on pinterest trying to find invitation ideas I’m already overwhelmed. This shit is a lot of work! And there is so.much.stuff out there on weddings. where do I even start? what kind of party is ‘our’ kind? What the hell am I going to wear? We aren’t planning anything big or anything but I’m not exactly the person who had my wedding planned out since I was 5. In fact, if you had asked me a year ago I probably would have laughed in your face. I think I did laugh in M’s face the first time he brought it up. What? So I was slow in figuring out that he was the one for me. He, on the other hand, was sure after a couple of months. I’m not one to jump into decisions of any kind though, especially not this kind, and so I just decided he was crazy. For almost a year and a half.

I did come around though, and in the end it was me who did the proposing. Over gchat. I’m romantic like that (sorry babe). Marseau made me sweat though, after all that time of me making him wait he was determined to give me a taste of my own medicine. He waited almost 2 weeks (I was stressing out so much!), then came up to visit and said yes. Though he managed still to wait almost a full day before saying yes. He’s more romantic in a lot of ways than me (though not all ways), I think he was waiting for a special moment.

We spent a little over 2 weeks together after that. He stayed in Montreal way longer than he was originally supposed to, then I went to Philly with him for a week. We didn’t want to part anymore after deciding we were going to be together for the long haul. Long distance sucks a lot.

Then my brother tried to elope in Vegas and my whole family crashed it. Not wanting to take away from their day we decided to keep our little announcement to ourselves for a while. Long enough to settle into life together a bit and start deciding what worked for us and what we were like 24/7 together. There have been ups and downs in going from long distance to living together. But in the end its so much happier a life that I haven’t looked back.

I think I’ve been gliding into the idea of marriage without really thinking about what that entails, the wedding part at least – I’m very ready for the married part (or as much as any person can be ahead of time). I was all like, we get married and have a party right? Easy.


What will the wedding look like? When will it be? Where? What will we wear? Eat? Say? Who will we invite? Who will marry us? How will we pay for it?

The immigration processes that are going to follow this seems like a cake walk all of a sudden.

So far I think the only thing we’ve agreed on is the colours (turquoise, cream and grey) and theme (bikes and bowties). Turns out we have pretty different views on what we want out of that day. Quelle suprise. We often have differing views, and although that is usually awesome in this case it can be tense.

Does anyone have good strategies for not losing their minds while planning these things? How to make marriage budgets? Examples of nice, classy, (very) cheap weddings? Good websites to go for inspiration? Send them my way. I need all the help I can get.

read my rant-y blog and learn to tie a bowtie. At least you get something useful out of it


Seriously though, what am I going to wear?

I'm not even sure if this is the right colour of turquoise, and don't get me started on the cream and grey. Sigh.

all images stolen through google image search. Click on them to find their original location

Jared web announces his marriage


On December 17, 2011 I married my girlfriend and songwriting partner Lily Boughtwood. Photos courtesy of Andre Boughtwood.

Yay! I love that this happened. So happy for my bruv and my new sister (nickname pending)

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‘Kids table’ pictures from Vegas

my favourite brothers

some of my favourite pictures of the “kids table”. We took off from the grown ups after the wedding and had one helluva bachelor/ette party after. Its was awesome to go out with my brothers, we don’t get to do that enough.

party times - end of the night.

sisters-in-law (very blurry)

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More wedding in Vegas photos

Lily‘s dad and step mom took a bunch of really great pictures of these two crazy kids. It was such a fun wedding. I wanna elope with all my family!


the whole Mercer crowd

siblings and our partners


Little Chapel of the West

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My brother got married this past weekend in Vegas. Though it was short notice it was incredibly sweet and I had an amazing time with all the family. My outfit turned out okay in the end/I lived with it (though I totally should have gotten the sequin pants). Turns out I liked Vegas more than I thought, which means that I didn’t completely hate it like I expected.

Here are some of my photos of the wedding and dinner. I’ll post more later when I have had time to write more of a post. Apologies for the terrible quality, I really am a better photographer, but I was having far too much fun to set up good shots or find a solution to difficult lighting situations.

Welcome to the family Lily, we’re crazy and I think you’ll find right in!

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dressing up sux

I used to love dressing up and getting fancy. Back when my gender matched my sex a little more perfectly (in the public eye) and back when I fit into standard sizes in mall stores. Let’s just say, “when I was young”.

Now dressing up sending me into a gender identity crisis. I’m uncomfortable in a dress, I feel like I’m playing dress up in all the wrong ways. I’m uncomfortable in a suit, because male suits don’t fit my curves and females ones make me feel like I belong in the cast of dykes to watch out for. Pants never fix, or barely fix, or these-are-the-only-ones-that-fix-so-just-fucking-buy-them. I hate frills, and gathers, and drapey material. Button down shirts of all kinds pull open at my chest. Women’s jackets and most shirts don’t fit how broad I am, or how muscular my arms are. Men’s jackets erase every curve so I look like a box. Whatever I do I feel like I’m parodying myself or some fashion that’s not me. I’m uncomfortable, I’m unhappy, and I’m unsure of what to do about it.

I think the problem really boils down to this. I don’t know what my gender is and so I don’t know how to dress. 95% of the time, the times that I wear jeans and plaid shirts with vneck sweaters, I feel fine-great about my body and who I am. I wear what makes me happy, usually layered with jewelery, and fuck what other people think. I also have the good fortune of living 95% of my time within a pretty accepting queer community. Sure I have my issues with it, no community is perfect, but for the most part I am able to negotiate the spaces I live in with relative ease and happiness.

Except when I have to dress up. Weddings in particular have been the bane of my existence. I need to be fancy enough to look good amongst everyone else in their dresses with heels and suits. I know I’m going to stick out no matter what I do, I always do. Still though, the conundrum.

I just spent all day at the mall in Calgary trying to find something appropriate for my brother’s wedding in Vegas tomorrow. I got something passable but I still feel depressed about it. The outfit is okay, its nice even, but its not what I envisioned and I feel disappointed. 

Anyone out there that has come up with good ways to combat the uncertain fancy blues?

nomad and carbon footprints

this whole week I will only be in a single location today, wednesday and friday. Every other day will be in motion. Check this out. Starting today:

Philly -> Philly to Montreal -> Montreal -> Montreal to Calgary -> Calgary -> Calgary to Vegas -> Vegas to Calgary -> Calgary to Regina -> Regina…….

Holy shit. I’m so nomadic its baffling even to me sometimes.