Stationary Drifting


Small Things Project: Day 72 (oct 15)

Today I’m happy for the kind of nights that are quiet and cold so I can wear sweats and my beat up slippers and feel comfortable. These are the nights I was wishing for when it was killer hot this summer. Trying to remember that.

I’m also happy for the inspiration I’m getting in the form of cooking blogs and herbalists. I hope that I can find some herbalism classes to take at night when I’m done traditional school. I feel like I really want to learn more. Kinda wishing I had thought of that sooner in my life and tried that path. I mean, its not too late but some days it kind of feels that way. I guess I have to work on shrugging off that feeling. I’m 30, not old; 30, I’m allowed to change. I’m happy at least for the excitement and passion it brings me. I remember the days when I would wish SO HARD for a passion. Now I feel like I have so many. And I’m really really happy for that.

 


enjoying small routines

I’ve really started to enjoy things like cleaning the house, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. I love the small routines of taking care of myself and my living environment. Something I would have been horrified at hearing myself say a couple of years ago. I realize that its helpful that I don’t work 9-5 mon/fri and so my time is flexible. Minus the fact that I live pretty frugally with such a small budget, I really appreciate my lifestyle and my ability to go grocery shopping, or do laundry in the middle of the day when I have the place to myself.

I’m also happy that I’ve found so much enjoyment of solitude. I never thought that being alone would be something I would like so much. I’ve always been a bit of an introvert, not much of one but enough to require some alone time to regenerate every day. I used to go a bit crazy if I spend too much time alone, and I still do a little bit, but my length of time that I can spend alone has gotten a lot longer. I’m not going to lie, I love hanging out with Marseau all of the time but sometimes I look forward to a quiet few hours alone in the house when he’s gone. When I get to cook, watch tv, knit, blog, etc without having to talk to anyone for hours. Its kind of glorious and so different for me.

With the exception of Marseau, who is different than all my other living situations, this is the first time I’ve ever lived on my own. I went from living with family to living with roommates and usually living with a lot of roommates. I always really enjoyed those times. How busy and unpredictable the house could be. I still love spontaneous hang outs and house parties but I also love going home to my house, where its clean and my fridge is stocked with food I like and know how to cook. I love the quiet of it. The simplicity and how good it feels to make a home mine.

Sometimes when I think back on who I am I’m shocked at how much I’ve changed. I don’t know what has spurred this. It feels like it came on really fast but I guess in some ways it was just a process of getting older. Its interesting to look at the routines I love so much these days and know that the old me would have thought that I was boring and a sell out to the lifestyle I used to be fully committed to. And maybe I am boring and a sell out but I’m happy this way, I find enjoyment in what I do just like I did then. And while its a lot quieter, a lot less outwardly political, a lot less punk rock I still feel like my fundamental beliefs are there. I just express them with different hobbies. I think I’m also a lot more physically healthy than I used to be.

I still hate doing laundry though….