Stationary Drifting


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Whoa

Someone/some people have been googling the shit out of me lately. I have a tracker that comes with my academic social media page that sends me emails every time my name is googled and wordpress tells me how people get to my site. This week it was from people specifically looking for me/my blog. Which is rare, and exciting, and a little nerve wracking. Who are you people that are looking for me and going back through my old old archives? Welcome, and please don’t judge me.

This is something that I struggle with all the time about having a blog. I can’t remember if I ever wrote that post I meant to write about invading my own privacy and how I feel about exposing my thought to the www. It feels odd, and exciting, and definitely interesting. I haven’t looked at my blog in a solid 2 week and just came back to see a giant spike in readership. I love that, until I think about it too much. I wonder how other bloggers/people deal with having a web personality? I’ve definitely wondered how people that I don’t know feel about me reading their blogs. Suddenly I’m having concerns about not being deep enough in my blog…

All of this is to say that I’m happy you’re here. Don’t feel like I want you to stop reading but if you felt like leaving a little hello comment I would love to hear from you.

In other news I’m feeling a little less angry. I’ve fallen back into my old patterns of working and cooking and cleaning all the time (god M and I can be messy people). I’m busy with contracts and organizing. I’m trying to find time to work on my thesis and do some marking. I’ve done a little sewing (that I will post later) and a fair bit of baking experiments with mixed results. I miss the productivity of working full time but I don’t miss the total lack of personal time or seeing my partner or having any time to do anything. So if you were worried or whatever I’m feeling better fyi.

Gonna post this before my computer dies from lack of power at this coffee shop that doesn’t have outlets. Feeling blog-y again today so maybe I’ll post more tonight…

here’s a picture of me and my excitement about my growing hair, purple lipstick, and classic denim vest last weekend.

sorry for the shitty phone picture focus, quality & focus quality. Let’s be honest, its more convenient and my other digital camera isn’t much better


Small Things Project: Day 71 (oct 10)

Its 7am on Oct 11 and I’ve barely slept so I think its fine to submit this SMP post for yesterday.
I was happy yesterday for a grey, rainy, get things done at work day. I was happy for the amount of work I have these days, even if sometimes I don’t have enough time to do it all. From work to, a contract meeting, to a TA meeting, to office hours with students, and back to work less than a day is a lot. But its affording me the financial flexibility I’ve been needing so I’m happy. I’m not rolling in cash, but I’m a helluva lot more stable now, aka: less rice and beans!
I’m happy for good talks with M and my clean, warm apartment to come home to at night.


I woke up really early. Was going to have a productive morning but was too tired

I am my own worst enemy on this. I don’t know when I started being the type of person who needed to go to bed early, which is fine and all but it hasn’t been matched with with an ability to wake up early (some people would disagree with my definition of early). I’ve been trying to wake up at a reasonable time lately and it is doing basically nothing for me except making me excessively sleepy throughout the day.

Take today for example. I had to take some brownies I made yesterday over to my friend’s house before she left said house at 8:45. I got up with just enough time to put on some wildly inappropriate clothing for interacting with the business folks on the metro at 8am, pushing my hair into what I can best approximate as a pony tail, and stalked off to her place promising myself, as I always do when I have to get up much earlier than usual, that I could crawl back into bed upon returning home. The morning got the best of me though and after leaving her place I decided to walk home and enjoy the morning light/air/feeling of being productive like those working people on the metro, and got it into my head that I would make good use of this early started day. A feeling that stuck around in all its glory for the rest of the morning while I made myself coffee and settled in to ‘read the news’ and drink coffee before ‘getting to work’. As soon as I was installed in my chair the glory faded and I ended up sleepily reading my newest blog obsession until it was way past the time I normally get my shit together. ///Sidebar: Kings & Cosmics is a hilarious blog by a stay at home mom with no intentions of crafting her way to blog fame, plus she is unendingly (not a word) witty which always gets my good graces///

This is not an isolated incident. And is not terrible in and of itself except that I’m watching my window of productivity be horribly shortened to the point that I’m worried that I have literally no productive times. I mean, I’m blogging right now aren’t I? I suppose that’s mildly productive, moreso than being catatonic on the couch, but not enough to make me feel good about myself. If I can’t get working early, I feel ready to ‘relax’ by 5/6pm and my brain checks out entirely by midnight at the latest then when the fuck am I supposed to be a useful person to myself or anyone else?

Sad state of affairs I’m complaining about sleeping and self-directed work time but whatever this is my corner of the www and I can do what I want with it.