Stationary Drifting


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Embracing my inner woo

I like to think of myself as a pragmatic person. I don’t follow any kind of religion, in fact I feel sometimes feel (shamefully) disdainful of (organized) religion. When I was out in SF a while back I remember being more than a little put off by the level of woo that was going around. Intrigued, but put off. I think it was the ways in which it encompassed some peoples lives to the point of disconnection from reality that got to me mostly. Anyway, back to my point, being spiritual is not something that I assign as a descriptor of myself. AND YET, I caught myself the other day taking a break from research Alchemy to go through my deck of protection cards for solace. I’m going to let that settle for a second and let you talk in those words and this picture….

///alchemy research + portable fortitude deck + the necklace I wear pretty much every day + a birthday list to myself that includes another crystal, a tattoo and the collective tarot///

I don’t remember why I was researching alchemy. I think it just popped in my head, or I came across a random side bar reference and was all, ‘I wonder what that’s about’. I remember loving the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and being pumped about Alchemy as a topic from then on. After some research I decided that I’m not really that into Alchemy as it stands, but I do still love the symbols and their meaning. I think I just love symbolic meaning.

I mean, obviously I like symbolic meaning. Look at every single one of the tattoos I have, the name of this blog, my own cryptic writing style (about important things). One day I should go into what each of my tattoos mean to me but for now I would like to direct your attention to the necklace I wear pretty much every day, which also has tons of symbolic meaning. The ring is my grandmother‘s wedding ring. She gave it to me just before dementia really took her brain away from us all. There is a really good story attached to that ring, and maybe one day I’ll write the second half of my ode to her (first part linked above), be in the end this ring is really important to me. The amethyst was my birthday present to myself last year (from sparklefarm) and, besides being pretty, it is meant to provide me with power, protection and healing. Things that meant a lot me last year as I was healing from my broken elbow and surgeries. I mean, those things are still important to me, just in different ways now. The other pendant is stone with threads of opal (meaning healing, love, money & luck) in it that my mom and step-dad brought back from Australia. I went to Australia for my first trip on my own, my first real time on my own. Also, it provides the balance that Libra me (yes, horoscopes too) needs in having both parents represented on the chain.

Last is the portable fortitude cards by Corina Dross. She is a Philly based artist and all of West Philly is covered in representations of these cards. So they mean a lot in the sense of them being from where my husband is from and where we hung out. Also, if you can’t read it, the showing card says “Protection from the Impending Flood”. All the cards have protection messages and when I’m feeling stuck or uncertain I pull a few cards and think about their meaning in my life, which I was doing that night, the day before my first day at work. It did make me feel better.

So yeah. Not woo.

/// creepy shot I took with flash ~ kinda woo ///

Okay, maybe just a little….


Small Things Project: Day 43 to 49

[warning: this post is a little disjointed because it happens over a 5 month span. There are no pictures and frankly I’m just posting it so I can start anew]

Day 43: (april 8)

Today I’m happy for my easter gift to myself, fancy new nail polish in spring colours, and M’s gift of lunch. And Sil’s gift of a few hours doing laundry by myself in her quiet apartment with her lovely and loving cat.

I’m happy that I came home to a tidied up apartment and dinner on the stove. My fiance is so great.

I’m happy for the grey, spring Sunday light that made everything feel in slow motion. I love slow motion sundays.

I’m happy that I got to sleep in, and that I took the weekend off from the gym but that I’m excited to get back to it tomorrow. Operation get healthy is still in effect. I was too hungover yesterday from Friday night to start my cleanse but I’m getting to it tomorrow. And I’m excited for that too.

Day 44: (april 9)

Today I’m happy that M & I got our health nut lifestyle on and went to the gym for a spinning class. I’m happy that we are really on the same page about this. We even worked out for another 45mins after spinning for an hour. The best part was when I was slowing down in class and sweating my life away and M looked over at me and told me that I could do it. Having a gym buddy is really great.

I’m happy that we got a bunch of good foods at the market and now, as I drink my cleanse tea (which is so far going great), M is preparing us a really good smelling lunch. I’m telling ya, spring is the time for resolutions. M is even quitting smoking!

Today I’m also very excited about my writing more for my brother’s magazine. Check out my Field of View post or the website to see more.

Day 45: (may 10)

Phew, a whole month went by, I don’t know what happened…But I’m back at it! So today I’m happy for not beating myself up about small things and for not giving up. I’m happy for allowing myself to enjoy my routines in their own time and to allow myself to prioritize as needed.

I’m still glowing from my long walk with Josie yesterday and for knocking a bunch of chores off my list of things to do. Today I’m happy for my coffee, the fact that I’m still working towards feeling healthier, and a full day of work ahead of me. I’m also really really grateful for all the great friends and family who have offered so many ways of helping with this wedding planning. I’m so lucky to have these amazing people in my life.

Day 45: (may 15)

Today I’m happy for all the love and support we enjoyed at last night’s fundraiser. I’m grateful to Mars for cooking up a storm and for everyone that came and ate soul food, enjoyed the beautiful evening with us and donated towards our marriage.

I’m happy for the quiet train ride to snooze and reflect. I’m excited to be in the states again an am looking forward to eating a cheesesteak!

I’m looking forward to being done traveling for the day and for getting shit done tomorrow.

Day 46: (aug 9)

Today I am happy to get back to my blog. Too long, WAY too long since my last post.

As much as I was annoyed have having to stay home and wait for the Internet guy today (it’s been out for 2days) I was happy to spend some time in the kitchen. It’s been such a hot summer and I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t really cooked in ages. I made bread (from this recipe), banana bread (from here), an extremely spicy fried rice and some extremely spicy spiced tea. M said I was a spicy lady today, which was probably my inadvertent desire to burn the exhaustion out of me (I suspect it’s due to germs). On a side note: I experienced my first chili on skin burn today and yow did it hurt. After trying a few Internet suggestions I finally succumbed to M’s suggestion and sat for almost an hour with my hand in a bowl of iced milk. It still stings under my thumb nail but its so much better than it was I’m not complaining. The burn set in just as the Internet guy arrived, I think he probably thought I was insane as I kept disappearing to the bathroom to wash my hands, and at one point cut a lime in half and took it to the bathroom (where I squeezed it on my hand).

I’m happy for the cooler day today. It’s been a really hot summer, consistently hovering at 30 so that only my heartiest plants (the chilies and the Mediterranean rosemary and lavender) are still doing okay. I’m sad for my lost strawberries just as they were strawb’ing. The cool-ish weather and rain today was most appreciated.

I’m happy that my grant proposal is written and ready to be sent, and that my summer internship is drawing to a close. I am once again redoubling my thesis efforts. I really want to be done before I’m 30 but would settle for before the end of 2012 if I must, either way that requires writing though so I’m going to be off to the library and other quiet places lots in the next weeks.

Day 47: (aug 10)

Today I am glad for rainy, cool, grey, quiet afternoons. I’m happy for some solid perspective in the form of a presentation by a fierce lady named Kim Pate about Prisoner Justice for women. I’m happy for a new blog to read (hey there the stork and the beanstalk, you’re very cute). I’m happy for some quiet dinner and reading and for the fact that M is throwing a really great party tonight for 2-qtpoc.

Day 48: (aug 11)

Today I’m happy for a successful and SO full Transformative Justice workshop. Everyone was so inspiring and awesome. We worked through some really heavy things and although we didn’t come to any definitive conclusions I certainly came away with a sense of community interest and support.

I’m happy for tea with a sweet friend post workshop where we talked about life stuff. I feel like I should have taken a different path and become a counselor….

I’m happy for a job interview at an interesting organization. I’ve been to SO many job interviews in the past while that I don’t have my hopes up but I was happy to have gotten a call back, I wasn’t expecting one.

I’m thankful for a quiet night at home. This week has been epic. To say the least.

Day 49: (aug 13)

Today I’m happy for it being the last day of work so I can focus on writing for the rest of the month.

I’m happy that my best buddy is home and available for hang outs again. It’s been a minute too long that he was away.

Mostly I’m proud of myself for mcguyvering the bathtub with a ton of baking soda, vinegar and a plunger and finally getting it to drain properly. It look me a while and spot a small amount of frustration but I didn’t break and go get drano, which makes me super happy! No harsh chemicals for me or M!!


Bad Blogger

I don’t actually know what happened…I suddenly became terrible at blogging. Maybe I got more interested in Pinterest…I know that I’ve been spending less time in front of the computer, my days have been spent a little more running around. I also started a major addiction to Bones, I’ve been spending all my spare time watching that. I quit my cleanse, Marseau made a big soul food dinner about a week into it and I couldn’t say no, them I was totally off it and couldn’t convince myself to get back on. I feel guilty about that, and since I’ve been tracking it here I guess I was avoiding it. Jared got a job and the two of us kinda stopped taking pictures. I haven’t been very into writing down ‘small things’ they were feeling kinda repetitive. I lost energy, filled my time up with other things and haven’t written here in too long.

new month new start amiright? May will be back to the gym, back to the blog, back to the books, back to philly? Not necessarily in that order. Wedding planning is in hyper gear so I’ll probably be writing about that. Amongst other things. PULLING THE THREADS BACK TOGETHER PEOPLE.


why are weddings so complicated to plan?

I was going to write a post about the plans that have been going on for M & I’s upcoming marriage but after spending the last hour on pinterest trying to find invitation ideas I’m already overwhelmed. This shit is a lot of work! And there is so.much.stuff out there on weddings. where do I even start? what kind of party is ‘our’ kind? What the hell am I going to wear? We aren’t planning anything big or anything but I’m not exactly the person who had my wedding planned out since I was 5. In fact, if you had asked me a year ago I probably would have laughed in your face. I think I did laugh in M’s face the first time he brought it up. What? So I was slow in figuring out that he was the one for me. He, on the other hand, was sure after a couple of months. I’m not one to jump into decisions of any kind though, especially not this kind, and so I just decided he was crazy. For almost a year and a half.

I did come around though, and in the end it was me who did the proposing. Over gchat. I’m romantic like that (sorry babe). Marseau made me sweat though, after all that time of me making him wait he was determined to give me a taste of my own medicine. He waited almost 2 weeks (I was stressing out so much!), then came up to visit and said yes. Though he managed still to wait almost a full day before saying yes. He’s more romantic in a lot of ways than me (though not all ways), I think he was waiting for a special moment.

We spent a little over 2 weeks together after that. He stayed in Montreal way longer than he was originally supposed to, then I went to Philly with him for a week. We didn’t want to part anymore after deciding we were going to be together for the long haul. Long distance sucks a lot.

Then my brother tried to elope in Vegas and my whole family crashed it. Not wanting to take away from their day we decided to keep our little announcement to ourselves for a while. Long enough to settle into life together a bit and start deciding what worked for us and what we were like 24/7 together. There have been ups and downs in going from long distance to living together. But in the end its so much happier a life that I haven’t looked back.

I think I’ve been gliding into the idea of marriage without really thinking about what that entails, the wedding part at least – I’m very ready for the married part (or as much as any person can be ahead of time). I was all like, we get married and have a party right? Easy.

Nope.

What will the wedding look like? When will it be? Where? What will we wear? Eat? Say? Who will we invite? Who will marry us? How will we pay for it?

The immigration processes that are going to follow this seems like a cake walk all of a sudden.

So far I think the only thing we’ve agreed on is the colours (turquoise, cream and grey) and theme (bikes and bowties). Turns out we have pretty different views on what we want out of that day. Quelle suprise. We often have differing views, and although that is usually awesome in this case it can be tense.

Does anyone have good strategies for not losing their minds while planning these things? How to make marriage budgets? Examples of nice, classy, (very) cheap weddings? Good websites to go for inspiration? Send them my way. I need all the help I can get.

read my rant-y blog and learn to tie a bowtie. At least you get something useful out of it

 

Seriously though, what am I going to wear?

I'm not even sure if this is the right colour of turquoise, and don't get me started on the cream and grey. Sigh.

all images stolen through google image search. Click on them to find their original location


Eating: Marseau Makes Meat (& cheese)

Marseau and I have come to an unspoken understanding about making food. I made big things occasionally (big meals, baked goods, soups to be frozen) and some staples (humus, bread) and he makes the in between meals. The delicious every day lunches and dinners. I like this set up a lot because it means that we eat well every day and have lots of yummy treats and snack foods. Plus it plays on our strengths, particularly mine of having bursts of energy around big projects and then sinking into cooking apathy. The decision on both our parts to stop eating out so much and start eating good, well-balance, homemade foods has been a good one. I feel a lot healthier, I eat better and more often, we save money, I feel nice and home-y when there is something delicious smelling cooking/baking away in the kitchen.

Sometimes we reverse our method though and Marseau cooks a huge meal. The kind that leaves me in a food coma and feeling so good. That guy can cook his ass off and knows his way around the spice shelf like no one I’ve met before.

Here are some of my favourites from the past little while.

The Stay-Home Date:

Pepperoni, spinach, hot peppers and cheeeeeese.

cheezy goodness

One day the other week we decided to have a stay home date. The kind where we make a delicious meal, drink some wine from the SAQ not the dep, and converse, maybe watch a movie on netflix in bed. A cozy night where we glory in the fact that we now live together. On this nights menu was homemade pizza. We took a stroll on over to Milano’s (the Italian grocery store in the neighbourhood) and got ourselves some of their pre-made pizza dough and some fresh sliced pepperoni that is so delicious it melts in the mouth. Living on the edge of Little Italy has its perks. Coupling that with spinach from the market and Silvie’s homemade pickled hot peppers we were on a pizza roll. It baked up so delicious and greasy, Marseau was adorable and insisted on serving me every slice I went back for and seasoning it himself with oregano and other good spices.

The Soul Food Night:

Featuring fried chicken, mac n’ cheese, garlic butter string beans and biscuits (that we didn’t eat because I eff’d them up)

one of the only shots I got because I was too busy eating. nom.

Marseau was missing the food back home in Philly, as well as the rest of home, so late one Friday night we decided to do up a soul food feast. Marseau was in charge of the fried chicken (breast not wings because I don’t like wings and he loves me that much), and the mac’ n cheese. I had the beans and the biscuits. Besides the small fire in the oven we caused when the oven and pan decided they couldn’t handle all the amazing mac n’ cheese deliciousness going on, Marseau cooked his ass off and prepped one helluva meal. I, on the other hand, didn’t really keep up my end of the bargain. I tried a new recipe from one of my healthy cookbooks for the biscuits (note to self: never try and make healthy biscuits again) which were too dense, barely rose and not buttery enough. Also as a result of the above mentioned small oven fire I had to take my dough over to our neighbour Jackie’s house to bake them and then proceeded to burn the bottoms of every single one. Total biscuit fail. Marseau doesn’t trust that I can make good biscuits now and I’m determined to prove that normally I make delicious ones (I made another batch this week that received a B grade. What a jerk)! On the up side Jackie joined us for the feast and we all laid around comatose for a good while after that. The beans were good too by the way, really garlic and butter-y just how I like them. Too garlicy for Marseau though, and I left him to cook them while I left to burn the hell out of the biscuits. Like I said, I really didn’t hold up my end of the deal on this dinner. I like to think I was a good conversationalist during it though…

I took almost no photos because I was too busy cooking and then eating. We had barely any leftovers, and what we jealously guarded from other people (no guests!) still only lasted one day.

Upside: we’re thinking of holding Soul Food Sundays as a fundraiser for our wedding! Must perfect biscuit recipe soon….

Burgers for the hell of it:

Cheeseburger (cheese INSIDE the burger) with maple glazed caramelized onions, chips and salsa, beer

caramelized onions are our new favourite garnish for everything

I don’t think we had a reason to make this big meal besides the fact that we were both craving protein and had the desire to eat our faces off (again). We were trying to pretend we were excited to make some sort of healthy rice and bean with veggies dish but as soon as Marseau proposed burgers I was down.

Marseau did up these thick, delicious burgers with lots of spice and (like the genius he is) put the cheese INSIDE the meat so that when they fried up the cheese melted ON THE INSIDE! I never thought of doing that, its crazy good. He also started a now household obsession for caramelized onions. These ones were a maple glazed version that added an amazing, sweet-ish tang to the spicey burger. Topped with lettuce, tomato, spicy mustard and the mayo/ketchup staples these monsters hit the spot like no other. They were so big though that it was hard to eat the chips and salad that went along with them.

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I’m stupid lucky to have this wonderful guy and amazing cook in my life, though I’m pretty sure he’s trying to fatten me up. With food like this though I’m more than happy to let him!

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I have some other food related posts coming up since I’ve been baking up a storm lately. Also a couple of knitting/craft ones. I’ve been really behind on my Small Things and 52 Themes projects so I’m going to try and catch up with those this week. Maybe I’ll do a personal post or something different soon too…I don’t know, my enthusiasm for blogging wanes slightly when I have a lot of work to do. These days I’m marking a ridiculous amount of undergrad papers and I feel like all my brain cells are being stolen. That said I do really like this space to write so keep checking back. I’ll have more rambling and hopefully somewhat interesting posts up here soon.


nomad and carbon footprints

this whole week I will only be in a single location today, wednesday and friday. Every other day will be in motion. Check this out. Starting today:

Philly -> Philly to Montreal -> Montreal -> Montreal to Calgary -> Calgary -> Calgary to Vegas -> Vegas to Calgary -> Calgary to Regina -> Regina…….

Holy shit. I’m so nomadic its baffling even to me sometimes.


Big news post

god, I’ve gotten all repost-y lately and haven’t written much for myself. Which is weird because there’s been a helluva lot going on in my world. I think that I’ve been pretty distracted by real life though, in a good way. So I haven’t taken much time to write.

Important things are a brewin’. The most important of which I’m going to keep quiet for the meantime. But other things are still going on.

1. My baby brother is getting married next weekend in vegas! It’s shocked my family a fair bit but its turning out to look like a really fun weekend. Soon both my younger brothers will be married. We’ve come a long way, it’s funny to be adults with them sometimes. When I think about it I still think that we should be wrestling, begrudgingly sharing a single can of pop and running around the backyard. When did we all get to this point?

2. I’m back in Philly. The breakup that I’ve been alluding to has been annulled. Which is the real reason why I haven’t been online that much, I’ve been reveling in presence of my love, making plans, and allowing myself to be happy. Sometimes its important to remind myself that love can be good, and enough.

3. I came out to my step dad! He was the last family member that didn’t know and the pressure of keeping it covered up 3 years after coming out to the rest of my family has been hard and ultimately unsustainable. Because of the above 2 points it became pretty necessary to finally bite that bullet. It was incredibly hard, my mom and I were both scared, he doesn’t have a good track record with gay stuff but it went surprisingly well. As my aunt put it, “its hard to be homophobic when the homo is your child”. Thank god for that.

Big news times.