Stationary Drifting


2013: the post in which I state my resolutions

I think I was kind of trying to avoid writing a post on new years resolutions, etc. For no particular reason other than the fact that it seemed to be required of bloggers (am I a blogger now?), and a bit cliche for this time of the year. I guess I do like to have personal time capsules though, hence the existence of this blog in the first place. After reading a few bloggers talk about looking at their resolutions from last year and comment on them I got a hankering to be able to do that myself. So here’s my plan for this year, no particular order, mostly to look back at in approximately 353 days and see how it worked out.

1. Finish my thesis

This is a really big one. I know that my thesis has made an appearance in the complaining part of this blog many a time. Its been dragging on a long time and is getting to the point of being more of a myth in my life than a reality. I’m tired of feeling embarrassed and apologetic every time someone asks me about it. I really want to have it done and over with so I can prove to myself that I am capable of such tasks and and to be able to move on with my life. The thesis is holding me back from starting other things I care about learning because I can’t really imagine, or justify to others, starting anything new with this still sitting there. So to do this I’m going to have to 9-5 this shit. No more flexible time, no more excuses, just all work all the time until I’m done. It will feel so good to move on and I’m going to use the yearning for that feeling to drive me.

2. Find a good job

Finding a job has been a helluva chore. Its been over a year that I’ve been applying, going to interviews, feeling rejected, and starting again. My goal for this year is to make the changes that need to be made in order to find work, which will include really thinking about whether Montreal is the place for this to happen. I’ve been applying to work in other places but maybe I need to make the big move to change up the formula and hopefully find something that works. This requires a lot of thinking and planning since I don’t exactly have the income to up and move to a more expensive city (thinking Toronto), and obviously this decision also affects M so its got to work for him too. Whatever it is, something is not working in my application process and I need to evaluate that. This goal is related to the above goal in a lot of ways, not the least of which because both are making me feel stuck and also probably that getting my thesis done and graduating will help the job hunt. Its also related to moving my life and my new little family’s life and goals forward. So its back to the regular job hunt for me. To do this I’m going to get back to regularly searching for and applying to jobs. I’m going to make it my begin the morning routine, over coffee and breakfast (which I will also be getting better at), before working on my thesis.

3. Drink more water

In the past I’ve gone for more of a general “get healthy” goal. I’m not ditching that because let’s be honest, I’m way too young to not take care of myself. This year though I’m going to put down a more specific goal of making sure I drink a lot more water every day. Like the full recommended daily amount. Its not a hard goal but its a habit I want to form and it will take some conscious intention to get it started. I’m going to follow the Mayo Clinic’s advice because they seem legit and are usually not too extreme in their recommendations. They say that the average woman in a temperate climate should drink 9 liters a day so I’m going to aim for that. 9-10 big glasses or my water bottle a day should do the trick. I want to start each day with water before anything else and move from there. Luckily I drink a lot of water when sitting at a desk, mostly out of fidgety boredom, so this should work perfectly with my above plans.

4. Start a Cdn political analysis blog/podcast

This one is going to be on pause until the Thesis is done because frankly I’m not sure I can handle more writing, other than blogging, on top of that but I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. Hence the Department of Analysis blog I keep but don’t write on these days. I follow a lot of grassroots political blogs and podcasts and really enjoy the perspective. My complaint about this though is that all of them are American, and while I appreciate the updates on what’s going on there I want to publicize what’s going on here too. The idea is not to be a journalist so I won’t be going out to follow stories, that’s not my goal. What I want to do is be a pundit of sorts and do commentary on events, news and politics in Canada to try and up the conversations happening about the situation here. The US affects our politics but we have plenty of our own that needs to be discussed. I’m going to aim for a late spring launch on this. If I can get others involved then great but if not I’m still going to do it.

5. Start a small Apothecary

I’ve been into herbal and holistic healthcare for a long time now. I think my first foray into it was when I got Bell’s Palsy (8 years ago?) and doctors told me that they didn’t know anything to ease the symptoms or speed recovery but that some people had good results from acupuncture. Luckily at that time I was still covered under my dad’s awesome teacher’s insurance and I was able to get acupuncture 3x/week for months free. It worked, was relaxing and most importantly I had (what I’m told is) a remarkable recovery. I still seek out acupuncture when I need it these days, though I don’t have coverage for it so its a lot less often. From there I got myself a naturopath and started using herbal remedies to make myself healthier and my obsession has only grown. Nowadays I treat just about everything with herbs (unless I’m really sick) and have gotten into making toiletries. I know make my own deodorant, cream and lip balm and am learning to make more. I’ve been researching lots of recipes (and even classes) but for now I think I can start a small apothecary making non-internal products and selling them around town. So this winter is for learning, and when the thesis is done I will launch!

6. Make a budget and stick to it

Classic resolution and one that I make almost every year. Its a bit comical to try and make a budget for such a small amount of money but at the same time SO necessary. This budget is going to focus on watching what we spend and paying down debt so that when we eventually have good jobs and more income we know where our money goes and hopefully have a cleaner slate to work with, and better credit. Eventually we will want to do things like buy cars and maybe a somewhere to live. Or at least travel. Money sucks when you don’t have it. So a budget has been made for this year, mapping out the real expenses we have and prioritizing the important things, including a (very small) budget line for entertainment. Now we just have to make sure we stay on track.

7. Read more books

My degree has killed my ability to sit and read for fun. I feel guilty when I’m not reading academic stuff so I haven’t really. I got a mini kobo for xmas this year and some bookstore gift certificates and I had no idea what to buy! This is so weird for me, I used to be such a big reader. This is somewhat related to the next resolution. Don’t get me wrong, I read, a lot. I have a solid 29 blogs and news agencies that I check at least once a day (thank you flipboard), not to mention the many articles, postings, rants and commentaries that also make up my daily reading. I love reading and I love learning, I acknowledge that I’ve turned more towards emerging and grassroots/popular learning in the form of new media academics and I like it. I get challenged a lot from it and it inspires a lot of discussion in my home. I miss reading for fun though, and reading fiction. Anyway, I finished reading Fun Home last week and am partway through Alison Bechdel’s new book, Are You My Mother?. Next up is Barbara Kingsolver’s, Flight Behavior on my new kobo. Then maybe something by Zadie Smith? I don’t know yet. The plan is to read at least 30 books for fun this year (idea from blackandwhiteandlovedallover). 30 is not much but it seems reasonable in the face of the stack of books I have to read to finish my damn degree.

8. Use less screens

This is another reason why I haven’t been reading enough. I have a million screens that I can look at in all places. My computer, tablet, smart phone, and (now) ereader makes is virtually (pun intended) impossible to avoid looking at a screen. I can sit in front of the computer all day, or peruse the www on my tablet in bed or while traveling (I even use it for knitting patterns!), the phone works for small spaces like the metro or bus or if I don’t have the tablet with me. The ereader for when my eyes feel like falling out of my head from starting at screens too long. So, with the health of my eyes in mind I’m going to make sure I spend a significant amount of time not looking at screens a day. Whether that’s reading (ereader doesn’t count, its nice on the eyes), knitting, hanging out with friends, cooking or whatever I’m going to make an effort.

9. Go somewhere new

Phew, this post is getting really long. Its taken me almost 2 weeks to write!

This is a fun one, a lot of these goals feel kinda heavy….I’m a wanderlust at heart. I’ve been in Montreal for 5 and a half years and its closing in on the longest I’ve lived anywhere, including places I lived as a child (Calgary was 7 years). My parents move(d) a lot, I’ve moved a LOT. There was the period of time between 19-24 I moved cities, if not countries, every 4 months. I like being nomadic, I get excited by new places. I have come to enjoy the benefits of being somewhere a while, which mostly have to do with knowing people for a long time, but I still need new places in my life to keep things fresh. So my goal for this year is to go to at least one new place. It doesn’t have to be far, it just has to be somewhere I’ve never been before.

10. “Renovate” the apartment

I’ve been living in this little apartment for almost 2 years, and now officially over 1 year with M. When I originally set up and painted the place it worked really well for me. We made a few changes to fit M in when they moved here but other than moving one or two pieces of furniture and clearing out a closet and a few drawers for them to use there haven’t really been any changes made to the place. Its in desperate need of an update and a shuffling to make ‘my’ place ‘ours’. My goal for this year is to declutter, paint, recover and buy with M to make our house ours. We’re exploring ways to cover the terrible linoleum in the kitchen & bathroom. Suggestions welcome. Changing a rental apartment is an interesting dance between wanting a good space and not investing a lot into a place we’ll move out of and leave behind.


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Small Things Project: Day 65 (oct 2)

Oh MAN I’m tired. Mars is really really sick and I went to bed late, then he woke me up in the night, then I couldn’t get back to sleep, then I had to get up early and work late. Snoooooze. Its 10:30 but it feels like 3am. Working sucks for that.

The main thing that I’m happy for today I have to keep quiet about for the moment because I don’t know how it will turn out and I don’t want to put it out into the internet universe yet.

Instead I’ll say that I’m happy for my health coaching session I had with Sara Seinburg. It was her 1 year anniversary of her practice last month and she was giving away free sessions. I had one yesterday and it was really nice, and kind of emotional. I’m not sure why talking about myself honestly makes me feel teary but it does. Basically what Sara does is work through blocks identified by people from a physical health/nutrition perspective but also a mental health/nutrition perspective. I was really into in and really scared by it. I told her that I wanted to sign up with her but today I’m not so sure. I guess deciding to be accountable for making real change in my life is scary. I’m still not convinced I’m ready, AND I’m not convinced I have the money but I want to explore it. My goal for my 30ies is to be nicer to my body and to myself and this seems like a reasonable place to start. So I’m happy about that no matter what direction it goes.

I’m also honestly happy for my long term friendship with my buddy Mood. He met me downtown and kept me company at my work outreach social that I was too tired to be really social for. I like that guy a lot, I’m happy we’re friends. I know that that’s really cheese-y but its the truth. Hanging out with him makes me happy.

This video also makes me happy. I suggest watching it. 350 million + other people have.

 


Small Things Project: Day 54 (sept 8)

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!
I’m still feeling like I can jinx it and they will take it back but I’m trying to let the idea of having a job be real in my brain. I’ve been searching for so.fucking.long I can hardly believe it.
So I’m definitely happy for that.

I’m also happy for getting back on my bike yesterday. It was definitely nerve wracking to be in traffic so I was uber defensive, yelling at drivers for very small mistakes, but the feeling of being on my bike and free was super and that feeling is sticking with me today so I’m happy for that.

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//behold the night time quiet streets and by far my most favorite biking time//

Hanging out and going dancing with friends was really great last night too. I laughed and caught up with good people. Danced my ass off to incredible Dj’s, and enjoyed my bike ride home so much I almost considered continuing to ride around for a bit when I got home because I wasn’t ready to stop biking.

I booked a tattoo appointment! I’m very happy and excited for that!

Also I bought myself some funny pants, that are making me excessively happy. Pictures to come.

But really though, the job is the best part.


Weekend Roundup – Feb 26

Soooo I’m a little late on this one, I know the next weekend is around the corner but I’m sitting here trying to write on my thesis and hating it, while compulsively checking my blog stats (I need to chill out on that one, I know) when I realized that I hadn’t ever written last weekend’s like I’d been planning to do on Sunday night.

From what I remember last weekend wasn’t all that exciting. I had just gotten my period and was grumpy and uncomfortable. M and I were both grumpy actually and spent most of the weekend shooting each other dirty looks and hanging out in separate rooms. Its not as dramatic as it sounds but both of us like to be left alone when we’re grumpy and in our little apartment that’s a little hard. I was also feeling SUPER emotional last weekend and would cry at a drop of a hat. It was a tough weekend, let’s just say that.

BUT, I still managed to escape the black cloud that was raining just on me a little bit.

It snowed like crazy last Friday (like it is right now) so M and I stayed home and watched tv on the internet and tried to stay warm. Which is pretty much what we did all day Saturday too. Around midnight on Saturday night we were debating whether it was worth getting out of bed  but in the end going to see Corrie‘s Nuit Blanche show won out and we threw on some clothes and headed downtown.

the only picture I took of Corrie, but its really of her partner Simon.

Nuit Blanche is pretty awesome. All sorts of galleries, music and arts spaces stay open all night and you can wander all over town looking at cool stuff and still be able to take the metro home because it runs all night too. I’ve had some good times on Nuit Blanche in Montreal but my usual lasting feeling about it is ‘overwhelmed’. I love that the whole city comes out to celebrate art and each other in the middle of the night in the middle of winter. But I hate crowds. And Nuit Blanche is crowd-ed.

Luckily Corrie’s piece was away from the really big crowds. And it was awesome. It was a re-showing of a work she did with her art partner last year, and in true Corrie style, the installation also includes a collaborative aspect with the viewer. In this case what was going on was the building of, what I’m going to call, a dream shelter. People were invited to submit (online-last year) or on the spot a dream on paper. It was then folded up and woven in with all the other dreams. I liked standing inside it and feeling like I was in a quiet space, even if I was surrounded by a bunch of other people’s thoughts. I’ve always liked secret little hiding spots so I’m biased towards loving this one in particular. I would have stayed in there all night but even if Corrie’s installation space wasn’t AS crowded, it was still pretty crowded and people kept peeking in on me and ruining the ‘secret’ part of my hiding.

M peeking out from the 'secret' spot

some of the dreams

Eventually Silvie came up and found us and convinced M and I to go on a mission with her and her friends to find a dance party happening at the Architecture Building. Which was a failure. We walked for.ev.er. in the cold only to find the building closed up for the night. An hour early!

we had ice cream because we were pretending it wasn't cold out

I had kind of had enough of the cold and being downtown around so many people at that point. Luckily it seemed that other’s had too so we took a cab up to NDQ (new friend owned, neighbourhood bar) and chilled out with all the good people who hang out there for the rest of the night.

silvie being blurry

much wanted (needed?) drink

I was feeling pretty good for the first time that weekend.

Until I fell on the ice on the way home and twisted my ankle. Back to bad moods.

I don’t really remember if I did much of anything the rest of the weekend. I think I mostly let the winter blues overtake me and so I sulked and/or felt sad most of the day Sunday. I went to Jean Talon Market to get some groceries and fawned over some tulips that made me feel like it was possible spring was coming but didn’t have enough hands or money to take one home with me.

I decided that I had to get my sleeping back on track and went to bed early Sunday night. That’s about it. Kind of a depressing weekend all around, but what can I say? Sometimes you (I) just gotta let yourself (myself) be depressed. I can’t wait for sun, flowers, and feel goods to come back.