Stationary Drifting


Small Things Project: Day 57 (sept 11)

today was a quiet day. I spent a lot of it working on emailing and planning my lecture for next Monday on media studies. I spent a good part of the evening working on this here blog and lining up some posts over the next couple days so that there’s something other than these small things posts for all you 2 readers to see. I did a little blog design planning and made some goals for the fall season. I’m happy for a productively quiet day.


New Blog Categories

I’m rearranging my site (again). I’ve been thinking for a while that I should move it over to wordpress.org so that I have more/all control over how this place is set up, how it looks and be able to add some plug-ins that I would be pumped about having. I just can’t decide if its worth the work and money to do that. This is not exactly a site that generates a lot of readership (hi dad), and it doesn’t really have any kind of a concise theme, plus I’m a bit off and on about it….BUT, I do want to turn it into the kind of blog that I would be proud to show off my ranting on, and I like the idea of owning the stationarydrifting url. I’m really into other peoples blogs and blogging in general so I’ve been wanting to ‘upgrade’ as it were to play with the mid-leagues. I don’t know, thinking of a pro/con list right now, and maybe need to spend some real time thinking about what I want to do with this corner of the web before investing all this time and energy. It is worth it to make me work it?

/// I realize that Missy Elliott is not even remotely talking about the same thing ///

ANYWAY, that was all a very random way of setting up the fact that I wanted to say a little thing about how I have rearranged and updated my categories (again).

SO without further ado I give you:

About – wherein you can find some basics about me, my sketchy plan for stationary drifting (for now), and how to find me on other social media sites. Minus the book of faces and twitter because I still feel pretty private about those ones.

Write/Say – which is where I post my rants (stationary drift), my project where I try and write something good every day to maintain a certain balance and gratitude in my life and try and avoid getting depressed at times (small things project), and where I post things that are exciting me mostly stuff I want enough to take off my pinterest boards and make a big deal about in the hopes that someone who might be looking for a present for me would take notice, or just to highlight for myself ({wishlist}). Occasionally I write things worth saying in public, but mostly I just write things I want to get off my chest.

Make/Do – this category is where you can see some things I do beside ranting and/or complaining on the internet. I post pictures, reviews, and recipes of food I’ve tried making lately, mostly baked goods because let’s be honest that’s what I like to eat more than anything else in the world (eating). I also have a category about my brief/failed attempt at a cleanse this spring, I’m leaving it up there partially because I want to inspire myself to try again and partially because there’s some good information in it. Also, its the one link on my blog that draws continual attention, usually from pinterest (spring cleanse). I put all my posts about the crafting I do and remember to post about, from sewing to knitting to otherwise diy’ing my house up so that it looks like I have some sort of a life (making). ANDDD, if you know me you know that I’m pretty into alternative medicines, especially herbal remedies and home make body and cleaning products. I’m starting to get more into making stuff at home so whenever I do something new or learning something new it will go up here, remember that I’m no expert though so don’t take what I say as medical advice. Its a bit skimpy at the moment but trust, it will get bigger (healing).

Look/See – I.love.photography. So expect to see more of this than anything else under this category. I have 5 cameras and my phone which I use to take pictures nearly all the time. Most of my cameras are film so whenever I develop my latest roll or have some quality polaroids I post them kind of en masse. This is a section of the site I really want to grow to encompass my real love of taking pictures (photography). I know that this is kind of sounding like a failed project theme but I took a bit of a blogging break over this summer while I got married and found a job, I really want to get back to the photography project my brother and I were doing. I have a goal this year of challenging myself to see the world through a lens differently (52 themes). Last but (kind of) not least, I’ve been feeling like my personal style could use some updating now that I’m about to finish my MA, and married and am weeks away from my 30th birthday. I’m not really a genderqueer punk-y kid anymore but unfortunately my clothes don’t really reflect that. So I’m setting myself a whole category to document clothes I like, thrift, see, outfits I try, etc. I’m not going to pretend I have the ability to have a style section or that I have really any interest in making this into a style blog but hey, if you’re interested in talking or reading about the style of an almost 30, queer, hard femme, and how to make that work this is the category to look under (reluctant style ///under construction///).

Okay, so that’s that. Check back and tell me what you think, if you’re actually there. Comment if you feel so inclined, its nice to have something other than spam comments every now and then. And please do share your thoughts about free hosting vs. self-directed blogs. I really am trying to figure out what to do.


It Gets Fatter!

A good friend (and neighbour!), her friends, and the internet at large, have started this amazing new video project called It Gets Fatter (tumblr & also vimeo). Its a space to for People of Colour (POCs) who identify as fat, and also queer, to submit videos and written stuff talking about their experiences with fatness and body loving (or not). Its a brand brand new project that has been going on for barely a week and so far a few really powerful videos have been posted about fatness vs. health and how they are not always connected, self-acceptance and learning to love your body no matter what others tell you.

Here’s a video example that really touched me:

A lot of the videos have touched me, and have made me want to delve a little into my own feelings about my body and how I get through tough situations with my family and in life. I’ve had a blog post sitting in my drafts folder for months now called ‘On Being Thick’ but never really had the courage to work it out in words and moreover to post it publicly until now. So thanks It Gets Fatter folks for opening up that dialogue and pushing me to have the guts to put it out there.

The reason the above video struck a nerve with me is because Jackie talked about her experiences within her family and their feelings around her size. It is obviously very intense when the people who raise you talk negatively about your body, and I was lucky not to have that experience growing up. I was a very tiny child; short, skinny, and rocking nicknames like ‘squirt’ and ‘spaghetti legs’ (the last one was bestowed by my great-grandmother because I had long, very thin legs). It wasn’t until I hit puberty, and honestly not until my late teens that I started to gain weight for real. Its been a slow progress and has depended a lot on how active my year has been but I’ve been steadily gaining every since.

Comments about my weight started a few years ago, when I began to push the okay height to weight ratio in some of my family’s eyes. Its rarely been direct, mostly comments on how good I looked the last time I was home because I was thinner, or how I look good now as opposed to the last time because last time I was overweight and this time I was thinner. A lot of it has been indirect, and probably not aimed at me at all but comments about personal weight gain or loss definitely affect me, as well as comments from family members about how concerned they are about my dad’s weight followed by comments about how much I look like my dad. Most of the time it was meant to compliment me, or at least not to hurt me but its really hard not to take it personally when people look at me and then decide that a conversation about weight loss would be something I’d be into hearing.

I’m having difficulty saying this because I love my mom to bits and she has been my champion in so many ways, ways that I could never thank her enough for, but when it comes to my weight I’ve recently had a few experiences with her that have really stuck with me, they both involved shopping for clothes for me together, both in the past year. Last December I was looking for something to wear to my brother’s wedding in Vegas, it was last minute and we didn’t have a lot of time, plus my mom hates shopping even more than me. I remember going to store after store trying to find something that fit, and taking longer than she had patience for to find something because I just couldn’t get that comfortable combination of style and fit that I needed to feel good. I distinctly remember feeling like I had to apologize to her for my weight, not that she was asking me to but because I felt bad about being too big to fit most of the cute things she liked. I felt a lot of shame in that moment and that I had to explain myself. I stumbled through a few tries but in the end I didn’t really have an explanation, the truth is that by a lot of standards I’m not  plus sized, mall clothing just runs small in a totally mean way. It wasn’t my fault, but in that moment I felt like it was. The second time was when we were emergency shopping for a replacement wedding dress for me and my mom suggested I try on a girdle, something that she would NEVER consider wearing and, prior to me getting to the size that I am now, would probably have railed against. Its taken me a while to deconstruct that moment, and in the end I feel like my mom thought that I needed it in order to look ‘better’ in my dress. I tried it on, hated the feeling of it and the feeling behind it and decided against it. To her credit she didn’t push it but the idea that my mom thinks I’m too chubby to look good has stuck with me.  After many conversations with M about shapewear I’ve come to the conclusion as to why I’m not into it. Its not that I’m against other people wearing it for whatever reason they want to wear it, but for me I feel like I’m lying to myself about how my body looks and hiding the parts of my body that I’m struggling to love won’t make me love it any more.

Phew, still feeling iffy about that last paragraph so I’m going to move on to this really powerful video submitted to It Gets Fatter by msqueenly (who has many blogs) about being poor, black, queer and fat.

This video is important for so many reasons, and I would love to have, heard, or read further discussions of the intersections of all the points they brought up, especially around invisibility and how movements co-opt the voices of people struggling under multiple oppressions, but for this moment I want to highlight this particular point”

“it isn’t a journey of how i decorate my body with nice clothes, nice shoes, lingerie, accessories, you know. it’s not that type of journey. that’s not how i validate my fatness or my queerness or my blackness or how i talk about my poor experiences because, of course, being poor means you don’t have the money to do those things for a lot of people.”

which makes me want to stand up and clap. I’ve been trying to articulate my uncomfortableness with some blogging I see and also with some body positive blogging I see. I love it when people get excited about decorating their bodies, however they see that to be, and I definitely appreciate a visually pleasing outfit. I also get that when it comes to fatness and body positivity a lot of it is about challenging how my, your, their body is SEEN, so blogs of people dressing hot and refusing to hide their fat bodies is great and challenging and so wonderful. I guess I’m just a little disappointed that that’s as far as a lot of people take discussions about personal fashion and adornment. While clothes, accessories, tattoos, piercings, whatever are personal expressions of self and are rad in their own ways, I don’t feel like its the be all, end all of this discussion. ESPECIALLY when we’re trying to talk about body acceptance and inclusion. Dressing well is great and all but we can’t stop there. There are so many other ways this manifests in my life, to speak for myself. It manifests in how I eat in public, how I take up space, how and when I exercise, how I sit, how I dance, how I hold my body, how people see my body. It’s an awesome feeling to be wearing something hot and tight, but that feeling can very quickly be flipped to feeling shitty as soon as I catch the eye of someone who does not feel that I look awesome in my hot, tight outfit. And that feeling is not something that can always be addressed by more great outfits. Nor is it always possible to have the clothes that make me feel pumped about my body. Lately its been about making clothes work and/or fit because my current life doesn’t support new outfits, or really anything beyond the basics.

Anyway, I haven’t really done justice to msqueenly’s video or even that one quote because it means so much more than what I feel I can say on the topic right now but I just want to put it out there that this is a really great project, one that has made me want to talk out loud about my feelings ‘on being thick’. I have a lot more growing into my feelings and thoughts about this, and especially more growing into the wider topic but I love that this conversation is happening and that so many rad people are blasting open the body positivity conversation and making people think about how the intersections of identity change, influence, support and contradict how we talk about bodies, fatness, and self-love. So cheers to that.

And to this:

from the ‘fat acceptance! Yay!’ pinterest board


Oh hi there

I’ve been a terrible blogger, even worse because the post pretty much before this was about me being a terrible blogger and it was dated early May. Oops…

Let’s blame it on the summer shall we? And the fact that I got busy getting married. No promises but I’m gonna out new effort into this blog and try and not be such a flake. I like reading back over it, and have a terrible need to finish what I started (not that there’s really any way to “finish” a blog but you get what I mean). I’ve been feeling a bit misplaced these days and am hoping that renewing my ‘small things’ will help me find where I’m at again.

So, expect the small things to pop up again, and some cooking posts on cooler days. Maybe I’ll even drag Jared back into 52 Themes. I will definitely post about the wedding! I’ve been meaning to blog about the day and how it turned out for so long, and share some of my favorite pictures that I’ve collected from friends and family so far. I have some major pre-30 processing to do (holy crap in less than 2months!). I’ll definitely complain about my thesis a bit/a lot and maybe put up some DIY projects if I do any.

If you’re into reading about those things then great, I look forward to writing about them. But I still gotta soak up a bit more summer so don’t expect me around too much until the weather starts to cool for real and I spend more of my spare time indoors.

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the strawberries before the heat and my missing watering them for 2 days massacred them


fine weather

I’ve been sick. Not serious sick. Just flu-ish. Like do the dishes and then take a break on the couch because I’m out of energy sick. I don’t really know what’s been keeping me busy otherwise. I feel like I’ve been busy but I can’t actually remember what I’ve been doing. I have a sneaking suspicion that its been a lot of being out late with Marseau, which accounts for the sleep-ins and (probably) the sickness.

I think I’m coming out the other side of it though. Other than constantly having to blow my nose I’m feeling good and energetic again. I even went to the gym yesterday! I’ve been blowing through to do’s on the wedding list, applied to like 7 jobs yesterday, did laundry, cleaned the bathroom, de-junked the office, even started prepping the balcony for planting! God I love spring/summer/fall. I can’t wait to have a bunch of plants doing their thing outside. I made spring official and took the duvet off the bed today too, in my getting rid of the sheets that I spent laying about in while sick cleaning. And with all that I’m back on the blog! So here is a post, and some pictures of the truly wonderful walk I took with Silvie’s dog Josie down the alleys of the neighbourhood today. I think it was by far the best part of my day. Josie is so great, I can let her off leash in the alleys and we can just stroll, she never goes too far and always waits up.

beautiful alley walk

walking buddy

so glad my sense of smell is coming back


Bad Blogger

I don’t actually know what happened…I suddenly became terrible at blogging. Maybe I got more interested in Pinterest…I know that I’ve been spending less time in front of the computer, my days have been spent a little more running around. I also started a major addiction to Bones, I’ve been spending all my spare time watching that. I quit my cleanse, Marseau made a big soul food dinner about a week into it and I couldn’t say no, them I was totally off it and couldn’t convince myself to get back on. I feel guilty about that, and since I’ve been tracking it here I guess I was avoiding it. Jared got a job and the two of us kinda stopped taking pictures. I haven’t been very into writing down ‘small things’ they were feeling kinda repetitive. I lost energy, filled my time up with other things and haven’t written here in too long.

new month new start amiright? May will be back to the gym, back to the blog, back to the books, back to philly? Not necessarily in that order. Wedding planning is in hyper gear so I’ll probably be writing about that. Amongst other things. PULLING THE THREADS BACK TOGETHER PEOPLE.


Small Things Project: Day 34 to 42

Day 34: (March 27)

Back at it after a 10 day break.

Today I’m happy that I have one more day to mark all these papers and that I had nothing to do today other than mark so I could procrastinate a bit (a lot).

I’m happy that M took on cleaning and cooking today so I could focus. I like it when he does that and I like being able to keep my mind in one place for a while.

I had a nice weekend celebrating Felicia’s 30th. I’m glad I got to be a part of it. I’m also pumped about the new cake recipe I found, I’m writing a post about it but it didn’t last long enough to take a picture. It was a hit at the party.

MJ Cirque du Soleil show for Felicia's birthday. I wasn't allowed to take pictures during the show.

Day 35: (March 28)

Today I’m happy I have one more night to finish marking this god forsaken papers. I’m happy that the prof I’m working for didn’t really care that I’m not done and I’m happy that although its mind numbing work its relatively easy and pays decent.

I’m happy that Marseau is dealing with finding us food because the fridge is near empty and I’m hungry but too tired and with too much work to want to do anything about it.

Day 36: (March 29)

Today I’m so happy that I finished marking all those gd papers and got to finally get the sleep I was needing. Even when I don’t procrastinate marking is pretty painful (the novelty of it wore off after my first year as a TA), but when I do procrastinate and have 60+ papers to mark in 2 days its ridiculous. I’m glad that I was able to give the attention to each paper that they deserved, I’m also happy that there weren’t too many that were awful.

I’m happy that I’m finally rested up to clean the house. It got into total chaos mode with me working and Marseau’s busy schedule this week. I just got out of bed (after pulling 2 all nighters in a row) and survey’d the mess, its a little ridiculous. Enough to give me energy to tackle it even on my total sleep deprivation. I’ve turned into a serious neat freak since moving into my own place last year. Something about everything being in its place makes me feel like the world is right.

I’m happy to go back to my quiet life of work, crafts, social life, and regular sleeping patterns.

had to put up the fuzzy picture because I didn't want to show off someone else's work

Day 37: (March 30)

Sun! Even if its cold-ish out I’m happy for sun. I wonder how many times I’ve written that in this project. Clearly I’m a sun loving person, sun sensitive.

I’m happy for a fridge full of groceries, its been a little empty this week since M and I have both been so busy. I’m looking forward to having food at home to eat again.

I’m working away on Corrie’s bday present. Its late, as usual, which is kind of my (and her) style. Late presents are nice though, I like getting presents any time of the year and I like taking the time I need to make a nice present for someone instead of going out and buying the something and hoping they like it.

I’m happy that I’ve caught up on my sleep and am feeling more normal again. I’m getting too old of all nighters.

Day 38: (march 31)

I’m happy for a quiet day at home and the return to somewhat normal.

I’m happy that we’ve finally agreed on a wedding invitation design and that I was able to put it together myself. I feel really strongly about making as much as possible ourselves. Having a really personal/personalized day is very important to me. Plus I love an excuse to play around on photoshop, I don’t get a lot of chances to exercise those muscles these days. I have a ‘life after school’ folder in my head and taking some photography and photoshop/indesign classes are in that plan. I really do love graphic design but I’m so self taught I know that there are a lot of things I could do that I can’t figure out how to.

Day 39: (april 1)

I’m excited for my new spring plans! Today I’m going to the gym, that I signed up for yesterday. I’m going to try a spinning class. Its been years, a fair amount of weight gain and starting smoking since I last did a spinning class. I’m nervous but excited. New healthy lifestyle here I come!

ran into the bike demo against the proposed raise in tuition here. It was awesome, I wish I had biked in it.

Day 40: (april 2)

I’m excited for Game of Thrones, the tv series that M and I just started watching. This is runs somewhat contrary to my get my life together plan but still I’m enjoying it.

I’m also excited to quit smoking, though I really really want a smoke right now I’m still trying to resist because I’m excited about having healthier lungs.

Day 41: (April 4)

I’m happy for the fact that I’m still keeping up with my gym plan, and excited to start my cleanse soon. My abs are killing me but I’m happy about that, means I’m really getting into it. I’m still avoiding smoking during the day, which has been hard but I’m doing pretty good. I have smoked before 6 the past couple of days but didn’t break until 5:30. I also am not really enjoying the smokes I have. Which is good, I gotta learn to dislike them if I’m going to make this permanent. I’m looking forward to quitting.

I’m happy for the nice lunch I had with Marty and running into Mood and Corrie (separately) on the way home. I love living in a neighbourhood with lots of friends. Makes me feel so at home. Which was something I always missed after leaving Halifax and am happy to have going on again.

I’m excited about the spike in readership on this blog lately. I think my Eating: peanut Butter and ganache brownie recipe got posted on The Kitchen Sink, so a lot of people are clicking over from there. Thanks folks! I hope you like it once you get here.

Day 42: (April 5)

Today I’m happy for a quiet day at home to work on school stuff. I got a really good pep talk from Marty yesterday and she’s motivated me to get back to it.

I’m happy that its my brother Riley’s 28th birthday and I’m sending him lots of love for the next year. I wish I could be there to take him out for beers but he lives on the other side of the country. Sigh.

I’m happy for my sore muscles, it means that I’ve been working them hard! I’m excited for my session with the personal trainer tonight. I’m looking forward to getting some personalized advice, particularly for working out the shoulder and arm that I had surgery on. They are so much weaker than my right side and I want to figure out how to work out without injuring myself and getting back to myself. My arms are pretty powerful, I’ve always liked that, and I want it back.


Eating: Marseau Makes Meat (& cheese)

Marseau and I have come to an unspoken understanding about making food. I made big things occasionally (big meals, baked goods, soups to be frozen) and some staples (humus, bread) and he makes the in between meals. The delicious every day lunches and dinners. I like this set up a lot because it means that we eat well every day and have lots of yummy treats and snack foods. Plus it plays on our strengths, particularly mine of having bursts of energy around big projects and then sinking into cooking apathy. The decision on both our parts to stop eating out so much and start eating good, well-balance, homemade foods has been a good one. I feel a lot healthier, I eat better and more often, we save money, I feel nice and home-y when there is something delicious smelling cooking/baking away in the kitchen.

Sometimes we reverse our method though and Marseau cooks a huge meal. The kind that leaves me in a food coma and feeling so good. That guy can cook his ass off and knows his way around the spice shelf like no one I’ve met before.

Here are some of my favourites from the past little while.

The Stay-Home Date:

Pepperoni, spinach, hot peppers and cheeeeeese.

cheezy goodness

One day the other week we decided to have a stay home date. The kind where we make a delicious meal, drink some wine from the SAQ not the dep, and converse, maybe watch a movie on netflix in bed. A cozy night where we glory in the fact that we now live together. On this nights menu was homemade pizza. We took a stroll on over to Milano’s (the Italian grocery store in the neighbourhood) and got ourselves some of their pre-made pizza dough and some fresh sliced pepperoni that is so delicious it melts in the mouth. Living on the edge of Little Italy has its perks. Coupling that with spinach from the market and Silvie’s homemade pickled hot peppers we were on a pizza roll. It baked up so delicious and greasy, Marseau was adorable and insisted on serving me every slice I went back for and seasoning it himself with oregano and other good spices.

The Soul Food Night:

Featuring fried chicken, mac n’ cheese, garlic butter string beans and biscuits (that we didn’t eat because I eff’d them up)

one of the only shots I got because I was too busy eating. nom.

Marseau was missing the food back home in Philly, as well as the rest of home, so late one Friday night we decided to do up a soul food feast. Marseau was in charge of the fried chicken (breast not wings because I don’t like wings and he loves me that much), and the mac’ n cheese. I had the beans and the biscuits. Besides the small fire in the oven we caused when the oven and pan decided they couldn’t handle all the amazing mac n’ cheese deliciousness going on, Marseau cooked his ass off and prepped one helluva meal. I, on the other hand, didn’t really keep up my end of the bargain. I tried a new recipe from one of my healthy cookbooks for the biscuits (note to self: never try and make healthy biscuits again) which were too dense, barely rose and not buttery enough. Also as a result of the above mentioned small oven fire I had to take my dough over to our neighbour Jackie’s house to bake them and then proceeded to burn the bottoms of every single one. Total biscuit fail. Marseau doesn’t trust that I can make good biscuits now and I’m determined to prove that normally I make delicious ones (I made another batch this week that received a B grade. What a jerk)! On the up side Jackie joined us for the feast and we all laid around comatose for a good while after that. The beans were good too by the way, really garlic and butter-y just how I like them. Too garlicy for Marseau though, and I left him to cook them while I left to burn the hell out of the biscuits. Like I said, I really didn’t hold up my end of the deal on this dinner. I like to think I was a good conversationalist during it though…

I took almost no photos because I was too busy cooking and then eating. We had barely any leftovers, and what we jealously guarded from other people (no guests!) still only lasted one day.

Upside: we’re thinking of holding Soul Food Sundays as a fundraiser for our wedding! Must perfect biscuit recipe soon….

Burgers for the hell of it:

Cheeseburger (cheese INSIDE the burger) with maple glazed caramelized onions, chips and salsa, beer

caramelized onions are our new favourite garnish for everything

I don’t think we had a reason to make this big meal besides the fact that we were both craving protein and had the desire to eat our faces off (again). We were trying to pretend we were excited to make some sort of healthy rice and bean with veggies dish but as soon as Marseau proposed burgers I was down.

Marseau did up these thick, delicious burgers with lots of spice and (like the genius he is) put the cheese INSIDE the meat so that when they fried up the cheese melted ON THE INSIDE! I never thought of doing that, its crazy good. He also started a now household obsession for caramelized onions. These ones were a maple glazed version that added an amazing, sweet-ish tang to the spicey burger. Topped with lettuce, tomato, spicy mustard and the mayo/ketchup staples these monsters hit the spot like no other. They were so big though that it was hard to eat the chips and salad that went along with them.

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I’m stupid lucky to have this wonderful guy and amazing cook in my life, though I’m pretty sure he’s trying to fatten me up. With food like this though I’m more than happy to let him!

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I have some other food related posts coming up since I’ve been baking up a storm lately. Also a couple of knitting/craft ones. I’ve been really behind on my Small Things and 52 Themes projects so I’m going to try and catch up with those this week. Maybe I’ll do a personal post or something different soon too…I don’t know, my enthusiasm for blogging wanes slightly when I have a lot of work to do. These days I’m marking a ridiculous amount of undergrad papers and I feel like all my brain cells are being stolen. That said I do really like this space to write so keep checking back. I’ll have more rambling and hopefully somewhat interesting posts up here soon.


Small Things Project: Day 22 through 27

Day 22: (Feb 28)

Today I am happy for a reason to wake up early. Most days I feel like it doesn’t matter what time I get up to anyone but me. But today I had work to do in the morning before some school meetings. I feel a helluva lot better when I get up and out of bed at a reasonable time. I managed to make coffee, a delicious smoothie and bake bread on top of getting some work done. How’s that for productive? Eat that winter blues.

I’m also happy that I have a thesis related meeting today. I’ve been feeling bad about how little I’ve been getting done on it recently, what with my natural procrastination, TA’ing and the work contract I had. Its good to feel like I’m getting it back in motion.

I’m happy that its sunny out and the snow is melting again.

I’m excited to work on this photo project that Jared and I have, 52 Themes. I will be posting our new week’s worth of photos every Monday.

I’m excited that people are still reading the blog! I check the stats so much and it makes me really happy. Thanks anonymous people!

Day23: (feb 29)

Happy leap day!

I’m happy today that I’m continuing my trend of getting up early and that I managed to get so much done this morning. I’m pushing through the winter blues that make me want to stay in bed forever and forcing myself out of it in order to be productive. Painful tax related call, out of the way, possible fridge purchase on the horizon. I cannot wait to have a full sized fridge again. 8 months with a bar sized fridge isn’t fun, even if I pretend that trying to put groceries away is a game I call Fridge Tetris.

I’m happy that I have friends, like Marty that have such good perspectives on life and that they (she) are willing to have me sprawl out on their (her) couch dramatically in order to detail my latest conundrums. I’m really very lucky that I have friends that like me enough to put up with my “little black cloud” moods and try and help me figure out the mysteries of life.

I’m happy I’m on a project finishing spree and I really hope that it extends over to my thesis. Spring 2012 is going to be all about finishing what I started. I just decided that now.

Day 24: (march 3)

Oh man, I missed a couple of days. I guess that means I was out living life instead of writing. Which is a good thing.

Today, though, I’m spending a quiet night at home and I’m happy for that. For the internet, my knitting and a bed all to myself.

lace shawl for my mom

I’m also happy I got to spend some time with my friends’ tiny dogs, they are loud mouths but they are also cuddly and loving. I’m also glad that I was able to help them out, I feel like my friends give so much to me I like the chance to give back whenever I can.

I’m happy that M is taking a couple of days to go meet up with some friends in Toronto. He has given so much up to come to be here with me that I’m happy he got this opportunity. I know my friends are so important to me, I want to be able to support him in seeing his friends whenever possible. Even though he’s going to be gone for almost 3 days and I’m going to miss him so much.

I’m happy that I got to have a fun night out dancing last night. Its funny how I crave that less and less. Its also funny to see how my body reacts to it. Having a good night out makes my spirits so much higher but my body can’t handle it that often anymore. I’m so tired today the idea of going out again is not even an option.

Day 25: (march 5)

Phew I’ve been slack this week. And this time its not because I’ve been busy. Well, not out of the house busy, my hands have just been otherwise occupied since I’ve been knitting away at my mom’s lace shawl.

Today I’m happy that my boyfriend is coming home from TO finally. I’ve missed his cute face.

I’m happy that I had a productive day. Though I am tired and wish I didn’t have a meeting tonight on top of it all, I’m glad that I had a lot to do.

I’m looking forward to some promising job opportunities that will hopefully clear up this money drought of ours and give us a chance to make some real plans. I’m terrible at living in limbo, unable to make any kinds of decisions so here’s hoping that a job pulls through and will make it possible to make some dreams reality.

I’m excited about my new plants. The tulips are opening and they are red! And the tiny wishing tree,  or “Tree of Enchantment” as the tag says, is just waiting for wishes to be tied into its branches. Wishes that will hopefully turn into reality soon! I think I might get a money tree too. I need all the help I can get!

Day 26: (March 7)

Today I’m happy that it feels like spring finally, I went outside and got some kitcheny things to make cooking that much better! (including a small pot like the one that I said I wanted the other week. What? I got it at a good price!)

I’m excited that I feel motivation to do my research again. This is partially because I just applied for a job I think I have a chance at and am now freaking out a bit about how I’ll work full time and write. Whatever the reason though, I’m glad I’m feeling the burn a bit.

I’m happy that my new tulip plant is flowering and that its still (kinda) light out after 6pm. Spring is coming! I can’t waaaaait.

Day 27: (March 12)

The past week of small things was really up and down. I was not feeling committed to my blog apparently. Oh well, I refuse to beat myself up about a project that is really just for me so here is day 27, 5 days after day 26.

Today I am so so grateful for the spring weather. For making it through the shittiest time of the year, when its so grey and there are far too many layers of clothing to be worn. I’m happy that I can sit at my desk in a tshirt with the windows open and the sweet spring air coming in. I’m happy to be wearing canvas sneakers and my jean jacket. I love the looks on peoples’ faces as they shake off the months of grey slush and how we meet eyes on the street, everyone smiling at each other.

I’m happy for the cheque that came in the mail today, and how that signals the end of a very stressful contract. Also, how it provided M and I the chance to buy a couple of luxury items, new shoes, new jeans. I’m happy to be wearing a pair of unpatched pants. My first in almost a year. It feels good to have a moment of not counting pennies. Along the same lines, I’m happy for the work that has come into our lives and the potential for more. I’m really looking forward to the day that we can move from this very uncertain limbo and start to make real future plans. Plans that we can do more than dream about.

But mostly I’m just happy for spring.


Small Things Project: days 16 through 21

Day 16: (feb 20)

Sunlight through my office window and on to the plant I inadvertently named Sonia

Today I am happy for lazing around in bed with my boo and how indulgent that feels. Even if I often feel guilty about how unproductive we can get together, I still love the sweet loving times we have together.

I’m happy paid work, even when it frustrates me or I don’t want to do it. Its nice to know that I am employable even if I’ve been a student for so very long (sigh). And having concrete things to do (unlike my ephemeral thesis), is really gratifying.

I’m happy for the excitement I get from looking at my new blog stats and seeing that people have been reading!

Day 17: (feb 22)

fingernail cutting of a moon. quiet night.

Today I am happy that the contract I was working on got approved and I don’t have to stress about it any more.

I’m happy that even if I stay up really late watching tv on the internet for no damn reason, I can sleep in really late to make up for it. I’m happy that I have the kind of lifestyle that affords that. Even if I feel SUPER guilty about missing the day.

I’m happy that I have the house to myself for a while to make dinner and eat it in the quiet by candle light before going back to marking. Simple dinner, simple pleasures.

day 18: (feb 23)

beautiful day, down by the hair salon you can see the mountain

Today I am happy to be done marking. And that it was all good to go.

I’m happy that Marseau has exciting things going on that keep him going, although I miss him a lot today.

I’m happy for my new hair cut! Its been so long since I got a professional one, from nice queers in a lovely salon.

I’m excited for all the new post ideas I have, even though I don’t have the energy to do them tonight, I’m looking forward to the content changes on the blog. I think I’m fitting into a solid idea.

Day19: (feb 24)

Marseau's DJ name, he always does this whenever we go to le Pick Up

 

Today I’m happy that we had enough money to go out for lunch because neither of us felt like cooking.

I’m happy that I picked up the new Doris Encyclopedia at le pick up’s zine shelf. I loved the Doris Anthology so much, I carried it around like a security blanket for weeks when I got it several years ago. I love the way Cindy Crabb writes, it makes me feel like people out there understand the way I think.

I’m going to put it out there that I hate snow, but I’m happy that it means that I can justify a quiet night at home because I don’t want to go outside. I just want to watch multiple episodes of Numbers and finish knitting Marseau’s hood. I’m also happy that I will be finishing the hood while there’s still snow on the ground so he can stop pestering me about it!

Day 20: (feb 26)

Marseau hanging out in Corrie's installation at Nuit Blanche

I missed yesterday because, well I just missed it.

Today I’m happy for the sun shining through my office window. It makes both me and my plants happy.

I’m happy for the desire to cook returning to me, slowly. I turned off for a bit there but I want it back. I think that Marseau deciding to be vegan has thrown off my small cooking skills and I got a bit discouraged. But I’ve been reading up on vegan cooking for the past while and am trying to learn how to veganize things (with a little bit of cheating). So here’s to enjoying the kitchen again.

I’m also happy for the night that I had last night at Nuit Blanche. I didn’t get to see as much art as I would have liked but I did get to see Corrie‘s piece (which was awesome as usual), and ended the night running into friends at NDQ for a drink at the end of the night. I love that bar, yay for friend owned neighbourhood bars. I’m also happy that despite falling on the stupid ice and hurting my ankle that I didn’t do anything worse to it. I have a tendency to have big injuries from stupid accidents. But that’s another story.

Day 21: (feb 27)

sewing the buttons on M's hood and watching Numb3rs

Today I’m happy to have really needed conversations. To clear the air where it needs to be cleared.

Today I’m happy that I went to bed early (er) last night and got up at a more reasonable time so that I could start to feel like a normal human being again. A productive one that lives in daylight.

I’m excited to get more projects going on so that I can beat this midwinter blues that is shading my enjoyment of life.