Stationary Drifting

I woke up really early. Was going to have a productive morning but was too tired

I am my own worst enemy on this. I don’t know when I started being the type of person who needed to go to bed early, which is fine and all but it hasn’t been matched with with an ability to wake up early (some people would disagree with my definition of early). I’ve been trying to wake up at a reasonable time lately and it is doing basically nothing for me except making me excessively sleepy throughout the day.

Take today for example. I had to take some brownies I made yesterday over to my friend’s house before she left said house at 8:45. I got up with just enough time to put on some wildly inappropriate clothing for interacting with the business folks on the metro at 8am, pushing my hair into what I can best approximate as a pony tail, and stalked off to her place promising myself, as I always do when I have to get up much earlier than usual, that I could crawl back into bed upon returning home. The morning got the best of me though and after leaving her place I decided to walk home and enjoy the morning light/air/feeling of being productive like those working people on the metro, and got it into my head that I would make good use of this early started day. A feeling that stuck around in all its glory for the rest of the morning while I made myself coffee and settled in to ‘read the news’ and drink coffee before ‘getting to work’. As soon as I was installed in my chair the glory faded and I ended up sleepily reading my newest blog obsession until it was way past the time I normally get my shit together. ///Sidebar: Kings & Cosmics is a hilarious blog by a stay at home mom with no intentions of crafting her way to blog fame, plus she is unendingly (not a word) witty which always gets my good graces///

This is not an isolated incident. And is not terrible in and of itself except that I’m watching my window of productivity be horribly shortened to the point that I’m worried that I have literally no productive times. I mean, I’m blogging right now aren’t I? I suppose that’s mildly productive, moreso than being catatonic on the couch, but not enough to make me feel good about myself. If I can’t get working early, I feel ready to ‘relax’ by 5/6pm and my brain checks out entirely by midnight at the latest then when the fuck am I supposed to be a useful person to myself or anyone else?

Sad state of affairs I’m complaining about sleeping and self-directed work time but whatever this is my corner of the www and I can do what I want with it.

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